When What’s Onscreen Turns You Off
Unrealistic expectations, and one platform rewriting the plot.
Welcome to Lust in Translation, a newsletter exploring what ignites your pleasure, confidence, and desire—by yours truly, sexologist Natassia Miller. If you’re new here, now’s a great time to subscribe.
In a study of the 50 most viewed videos on the largest adult film platform P***hub, only 18% of women climaxed versus 78% of men.
Of those who climaxed, 45% did so through vaginal penetration and 35% through anal penetration.
In real life, only about 4% of women reliably orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. And when it comes to backdoor play, roughly 72% of women report feeling pain the last time they did this act.
Reading that study, it’s hard to miss the gap between what we see onscreen and what we actually feel in our bodies. It’s like someone wrote a script for our desire without ever asking us what turns us on.
It’s no secret that mainstream adult films are known for creating unrealistic and often harmful expectations of how sex “should” work.
I first came across this particular study through Dr. Laurie Mintz, a renowned sexologist who often says that learning about sex through adult films is like learning how to drive by watching Fast and Furious.
As women, we tend to have strong opinions about adult films.
We notice the aggressive pounding, the flimsy (or nonexistent) plot lines, the unrealistic bodies and genitals, and the impact all of this has on our partners’ expectations and our own self-confidence.
How different it would be if these films looked and felt more like the sex we actually enjoy — slower, more attentive, more curious about women’s bodies.
It’s therefore not uncommon for straight women to enjoy lesbian adult films and quietly wonder, “Is this normal?”
Spoiler alert: it is.
Often, it’s precisely because those films center women’s pleasure, even if the portrayal doesn’t always reflect how lesbian sex actually goes down.
It doesn’t mean you’re questioning your sexuality; it just means you enjoy seeing pleasure that mirrors how you actually get off.
Something else I hear a lot from women is how they try to watch adult films with their male partners but can’t fully get into it because what happens on screen just doesn’t do it for them.
The question that follows is almost always the same:
“Are there any tasteful adult films you recommend? You know, ones I’d actually like?”
That question sent me down a rabbit hole.
I didn’t want “less bad” adult films; I wanted something that felt mutual, ethical, and genuinely hot — something made with women’s arousal in mind.
That’s how I landed on ERIKALUST, the platform created by Erika Lust, a producer who got so tired of adult films made solely for the male gaze that she started creating her own.
The performers have realistic bodies and genitals, like yours and mine. They’re ethically paid, and consent and safety are taken seriously on set.
There are actual story lines, emotional build-up, and sex that looks like something you might realistically want to have — all shot through the female gaze.
Many of us don’t just want something explicit; we want something that turns us on and makes us feel respected and seen. That’s the sweet spot ERIKALUST plays in: erotic, ethical, and human.
If you’re curious to explore what ERIKALUST has to offer, I managed to snag a 45% off code for you: LUST45.
Think of it as an invitation to see what adult films can look like when women’s pleasure is the main character.
When you think about your own experiences with adult films, where did you most recognize yourself in what I shared? How have they shaped (or misshaped) your expectations around pleasure?