More Vacation Sex, Please.
How to bring that energy home.
Welcome to Lust in Translation, a newsletter guiding you towards better intimacy—by yours truly, sexologist Natassia Miller. If you’re new here and not subscribed yet, now’s a great time to fix that!
“Sex is about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” — Deepak Chopra
My favorite memories with my husband are by the sea, drinking wine and laughing about life. Usually in a bikini, salty, slightly bronzed.
What I love most is how much fun we have just the two of us.
In my early twenties, a friend gave one relationship advice that stuck: marry someone whom you can talk to for hours.
My initial reaction was “What about the sex?” But I’ve come to learn that without conversation, there’s no sex. Or rather, no good sex.
Over the last few years, our summer trips have been with groups of friends, in celebration of someone’s birthday. We’d sneak out here or there for some time alone, but our running joke was that we were too tired for sex. Too many plans, too many people, too little time.
This year, feeling exhausted by March and craving time alone, I suggested we head to two sleepy islands in the Greek Cyclades: Sifnos and Serifos.
From the moment we arrived, I felt a slow exhale. I deleted Instagram from my phone and it was the best decision I made all trip.
Without the pressure to share my life in real-time, to capture or curate anything, I could finally, fully rest.
That’s when something unexpected happened: I was so relaxed that my afternoon naps became vividly erotic. I would wake up ravenous for my husband.
Those first three days were some of the best sex we’ve ever had. We were present, we took our time and we devoured each other.
There were no schedules, no dinner reservations, no favors to do. It was just us, waking up slowly and finding our way back to each other.
For British author Alain de Botton, vacation sex is better because “a hotel separates the functions of your daily life to remind you of who that person was before they became so confused with other things.”
But for me, this trip wasn’t a reminder of who he was. It reminded me of who I am when I’m not always “on.” When I let my mind go quiet. When I’m not tracking clicks or clever captions or how to turn this moment into content.
On a recent podcast about intimacy after parenthood, the host Chelsea Kerzner asked me: How do couples bring that erotic vacation energy back home?
I told her that you have to understand what made it easier for you in the first place—and then try to replicate that.
One couple I worked with realized they had more sex every summer in a rented beach house because the bedroom had a built-in concrete bed frame. No creaking, no worrying if the kids would hear anything. That one detail made them feel freer. They ended up building the same style bed into their own home.
For me, the game-changer was deleting social media.
I even made a pact with myself: twice a year—during my summer and winter holidays—I’ll log off entirely. No Instagram, no posting, no lurking. Just being. I’m even thinking about extending it to weekends.
So consider this your gentle August invitation: Take some time to slow down in this last stretch of summer. Let your mind rest and let your body follow.
Your nervous system—and your sex life—will thank you.
P.S. If you want to bring more of that vacation energy into your daily life—more presence, more pleasure, more connection—I’d love to help. You can learn about working with me here and book a free discovery call.
P.P.S. If this shifted how you think about rest, desire, or what intimacy can feel like when you’re not rushing through life—send it to someone who needs that reminder too. Sometimes the most radical thing we can give each other is permission to slow down.
Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 ways I can support your intimacy journey:
Sexual & Relational Coaching - I specialize in helping couples rebuild desire, strengthen communication, and create a sex life and relationship that feels deeply connected. Learn more and book a free call here.
Couples Intimacy Card Deck - Turn each other on, one question at a time. I created this to help couples talk about sex, explore desires and deepen connection. Read the reviews and shop here.
Reading this while on vacation is wild - thank you! 😊
My wife and I were lucky enough to travel all over the United States and throughout the world. And one of our favorite parts of travel was the sex. There was something freeing about being away from our work lives, and I’m not just talking about making the time available. We did that at home. But it was about more than time.
When we were away from home, sex was radically different. I think there was an element of being able to truly focus on the moment, with the only “distraction” being each other.